Hiding in the Closet Won't Save You Now
by xXKanpekiXx
Summary: CRACK ONESHOT MELLOXMATT. LOL ok so Matt is sure that Mello swings that way. He just needs to prove it... M for Mello's language. XD


Ah, hello. Here is a oneshot...maybe two shot if you guys want, of MattXMello. SUPER CRACK! haha anyway, some slightly offensive stuff in here, but it's crackfiction and you don't have to read it :P haha it's actually not bad. funny really. lol anyway, enjoy!

Disclaimer: I don't own Death Note. If I did, Mello's blood would be made of chocolate and Matt would own Maplestory (OMG that game is an addiction that my friends just can't seem to escape!)

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Matt was sick of it.

Every time he asked Mello a certain question, he received an insult and a bitch slap.

He knew Mells was a homo, he just knew it and he was determined to get Mello to admit it. So, with new motivation, Matt sat down on the couch and picked up his DS.

What? Mello was having some "Mello time" with his beloved chocolate and if Matt interrupted that, he would receive worse than an insult and a bitch slap. Fer sure. After about an hour of Matt gaming and Mello…mello-ing, the leather clad shman came barging out of the bedroom. The rage on his face could have scared even the dead. An aura of pure hatred emitted from the blonde, circulating around the room, and raising the temperature a good 10 degrees.

Matt glanced up and swiftly looked back down to continue his game. 5 minutes with a game could diminish any motivation he had, so an hour was simply draining. Mello stormed on over to Matt like a bat out of hell and yanked the goddamn contraption from his Mailbox.

"GOD! MATT! Pay attention to me!" Mello screeched.

Matt stared at his empty hands and then chanced a look upward. The only thing that met his eyes was a very MPMSing (Male PMS) mafia leader.

Needless to say, Matt went back to staring at his DS deprived hands.

This only added fuel to Mello's fire as the chocoholic became more and more enraged.

"Goddamn it Matt We're fucking out of chocolate and you and your fucking lazy ass need to ignore your fucking piece of shit hand console and go to the fucking store and fucking get me more goddamn chocolate!...fuck." Once Matt was sure the barrage of swear words and hormones had subsided, he made a run for the candy store, making sure to stroll, dawdle, and anything else that prevented him from buying the sweets in a timely fashion.

About an hour later, Matt decided to come skipping in the doorway and saw a puddle of chocolate-free Mello on the floor.

'I think I should leave him alone…oh wait…he has my DS.' "HEY, MELLO!" Matt hollered. He wanted to laugh when Mello tackled him for the two bars of chocolate, but he didn't, or more so, he couldn't as Mello started to throttle him for not buying enough Hersheys. When Matt regained his breath, he stared Mello straight in the face, gathered his courage (and his memory apparently), and said "Mello, are you gay?"

'Here it comes.'

"You mother fucking cocksucker, how many goddamn times have I had to answer this bullshit question?" Matt felt the sharp sting of leather glove on face.

"God, Mells, why do you hide it? I can already tell!" Matt groaned.

"What the bloody fucking hell are you bitching on, Mail Jeevas?" Mello glared at the gamer expectantly.

"You always have to have chocolate, you cocoa-whore. And you PMS when you don't get it."

"I happen to like chocolate and Mr. Chainsmoking-I-Cry-When-Mello-Takes-My-Games-Away should not be talking about addictions."

"You use Loreal Shampoo. The strawberry kind! That just SCREAMS gay."

"Excuse me, I use Loreal Shampoo because I'm worth it. You don't because you're obviously not."

"You have a woman's razor! And you use it!"

"Hey! Body hair is for manly men and French women. And why are you paying so much attention to my toiletries?"

"Mello, for God's sake! You peek at me in the shower and you order gay porn online! That's right I know about that. So, what's your excuse this time?" Matt smirked.

He had won.

"Er, well, you see…I'm learning about the different ways…homosexuals can…pleasure themselves as research because I think Near is gay."

"Bullshit. But even if I did believe you on the porn thing, why do you look at me in the shower?"

"I MOST CERTAINLY DO N-…ah, who am I kidding?" Mello sighed in defeat.

"That's right bitch. Hiding in the closet won't save you now. Go." Matt threw his pointer finger toward the bedroom. Mello grumbled as he trudged over and Matt grinned.

Chocolate wasn't the only creamy sweet Mello was going to eat tonight!

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Ah, yeah, there you have it. I RLY appretiate reviews! Reviews make Mello come out of the closet! LOL I hope you enjoyed!


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